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The Freshman Sex Diet

The dreaded Freshman Fifteen - those infamous extra pounds that new college arrivals inevitably pack on. Luckily there is a fun and easy solution that can keep you in shape - have sex! We've got some sexy diet tips and some sex-ercises to keep you slim while you do the deed. Have fun, and remember to use condoms and play safe.

Fuck Your Way to Fitness
Sex is great exercise and it's more fun than going to the gym. Sex is good for your circulation, improves aerobic fitness by increasing heart rate and respiration, and exercises many major muscle groups. Each time you have sex, you burn between 100 to 300 calories per hour, depending on how vigorously you go at it. If you can't find a partner, don't worry; masturbation burns calories too.

To get the most fitness value out of sex, be sure to include lot of different activities in your session, like oral sex, vaginal intercourse, anal sex, tit-fucking, mutual masturbation, whatever you can think of. They key is to keep your bodies moving, use Viagra if you need help in the stamina department. Change positions often and use as many different positions as you can. Shifting from a 69 position to the missionary position to doggy style, especially on a cramped dorm bed, is as good as a yoga workout. To spot-tone problem areas of the body, here are some specific exercises you can do during sex. Your partner doesn't even need to know that you're working out while you screw. Try to avoid counting reps under your breath - it could spoil the mood.

Sex Exercises for Women

  • Inner Thigh Scissors Squeeze -

  • Lay back on the bed, extend your legs out and spread them wide in a V. When your partner takes his position on top of you, bring your legs together around his waist. Using your legs, squeeze him tight and pull him toward you. Release, spread your legs wide, and squeeze again. Alternate placing one leg over the other.
     
  • Cowgirl Quad Lifts - Have your partner lay on his back and kneel astride him. Insert his cock and ride it by using your thigh muscles to lift yourself up and down. Although it's tempting to bounce and ride him like a bucking bronco, using slow controlled muscle contractions will work the quadriceps harder.
     

  • Doggy-Style Derriere Tucks - Get on all fours with your butt sticking out. As your partner fucks you doggy style, match each thrust by moving your pelvis. When he pushes in, arch the small of your back and shove your butt back toward him. When he withdraws, round your back slightly and tuck your ass under by clenching your butt cheeks. Hold for a second and push back and up again. Repeat till orgasm

Sex Exercises for Men

  • Missionary Push Ups - Mount your partner in the standard missionary position, placing your hands palm down on either side of her body. Instead of thrusting your penis with your pelvis alone, use your whole body. Push up for the out-stroke, and lower your body down for the in-stroke. Going slow will give you a more powerful workout, and you'll last longer.
     

  • Cunnilingus Ab Crunches - Lay on your back and have your partner get on top of you in a 69 position. She should crouch over you so that her ass is up in the air a bit while she goes down on your cock. Her crotch should be a few inches above your face. In order to eat her out, instead of craning your neck up, elevate your head and torso by contracting your abdominal muscles in a crunch. Hold this position for a long as possible while you lick her pussy. Repeat until she comes.
     

  • Glute Power Thrust - Whatever position you're in while humping, you can add more oomph to your thrust and firm your glutes at the same time. As you penetrate your partner and move your pelvis forward, clench your butt cheeks as tightly as possible. This will push your penis even further, deepening your stroke. Hold the clench for a moment, and release. Repeat on each thrust.

Freshman Sex Diet Dos and Don'ts

  • Hook up at parties. Parties, especially keggers, can be a dieter's downfall. To distract yourself from the temptation and calories of all that beer and junk food, find yourself a make-out partner as soon as possible. As soon as you walk in the room, don't waste any time -- scope out the hottest guy or gal in your league and make a move. Start with some dancing to raise your heart rate and get your metabolism going, then find a quiet corner or a spot on the couch and start messing around. Have a drink or two to loosen up if you absolutely must, but then focus on sex. Once you take it upstairs or out in the bushes, you'll have forgotten all about that high-calorie pizza and beer.
     

  • Start a sex routine. If you're going to make sex part of your exercise routine, you need to plan it, like you plan the rest of your workout. Find a reliable partner, make a plan, and stick to it, or set a goal for yourself and make it happen. If you can't get laid when you have time blocked out for sexual activity, then just masturbate.
     

  • Play co-ed sports. This way, you can get exercise and meet someone to hook up with, killing two birds with one stone. Guys especially can benefit, because they'll be falling over themselves trying to show off and act studly for the opposite sex. If you're a lesbian, just go out for the women's team; you'll find plenty of girls who share your "interests."
     

  • Do it standing up. Having sex standing up is more work than doing it lying down, especially if you do it without the support of a wall or furniture. Just trying to keep your balance while fucking standing up involves using several major muscle groups. Men can get an extra weight-lifting workout by using a position that requires them to hold their partner up, for example, with her arms and legs wrapped around your torso.
     

  • Do it in public. The excitement and danger of having sex in public will raise your heart rate, increasing the number of calories you burn off during sex. Not to mention the calories you'll burn if you get caught and have to run to make a quick getaway.
     

  • Use birth control. This is for the ladies. Make sure your boy wears condoms, for protection from sexually transmitted diseases, and from unwanted pregnancy, but if you want to be double sure and safeguard against accidents, also take the pill or use a diaphragm. Because getting pregnant will make you fat, fat, fat. Even if you get an abortion within a few weeks, you'll already be all bloated and have put on ten pounds. Just look at what happened to Britney Spears. Ugh. She was a mess of saggy cellulite even before the rumors were confirmed.
     

  • Whack, don't snack!
    Chilling in front of the TV is prime snacking time for lots of folks. Same goes for listening to music or watching movies. Next time you settle down in front of the tube, instead of reaching into that bag of chips, reach down your pants and spank the monkey or pet your kitty. If you're with friends, don't be shy; try to get them in on the act too. You could end up having a circle jerk or masturbation party.
     

  • Skip dinner and drinks.
    Before a couple has sex, the social custom is to go out on a date which often involves eating fattening foods like burgers and pizza, or drinking high-calorie beverages like soda or beer. Alternately, going to a movie presents the temptations of buttered popcorn and jumbo candy bars. Our solution: skip the "date" portion of the evening and cut to the chase. If you're planning to end up in the sack anyway, why not just get down to business? It may not be as romantic, but it saves time, money, and calories. If, for the sake of decorum, you still feel the need for some pre-nookie preliminaries, choose an activity that keeps you moving: go dancing, take a walk or bike ride, or go bowling.
     

  • Don't mix food and sex.
    Skip the fantasy scenes of licking whipped cream and chocolate syrup off each other's bodies. If you use any kind of flavored lube or lotion, make sure it's sugar-free. Not only will this help you shave off calories and carbs, but it will keep the sheets from getting sticky. It's not a good idea to get sugar in your cooter anyway, because it can bring on a yeast infection that will sideline your love life.
     

  • Don't spit, swallow.
    Good news! Swallowing cum won't ruin your diet. In fact, it's good for you. Semen is a low-calorie, low-carb source of concentrated protein that is packed with essential vitamins and minerals. A typical load of cum has about 15 calories, which you will have easily burned off in the process of giving head. Also, ingesting a creamy man-snack can help curb your appetite between meals. For those reasons, we recommend performing blowjobs as often as possible.
     

  • Eat at the Y.
    Got the munchies? Satisfy your oral cravings by chowing down on a hair pie, not a pizza pie. Cunnilingus is one of the best techniques to keep you compliant with a diet plan; you can't be sneaking chips and donuts while you've got a pussy on your face.

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