new! March 22, 2007

Hot Lunch

Your college food services may blow, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy “eating out” in the dining hall. Bask in the warmth of the steam tables as you savor the flavor.

Fluff and Fold

The dorm laundry room during off-hours is a great place to have a quickie – and pass the time while you’re waiting for your clothes to dry. Do it on top of a washing machine during the Spin Cycle for extra fun. Don’t forget the condoms – the vending machine only dispenses Tide and Downy.

Deep In the Stacks

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Thanks to Wikipedia, nobody goes to the library to do research anymore, which leaves the stacks nearly deserted. Don’t let this opportunity go to waste. Just be quiet to avoid attracting the attention of the librarians, and don’t lean against the shelves so hard that you knock down the books.

Study Buddies

Doesn’t reading about the intersection of class and gender in Chaucer make you hot? Maybe you need to clear your head and take a break. If anyone asks what you’re doing, say you’re cramming for your final in Human Sexuality.
 

Brace Yourself

Dorm furniture is built to take abuse, so take full advantage of its sturdiness and don’t hold back. When you get a place of your own, you won’t be able to do this with that flimsy bed frame from Ikea.
 

Dibs on the Top Bunk

The top bunk rules. If you’re lucky enough to have called the top bunk (or have claimed it by seniority), make full use of its possibilities for creative sexual positions. There’s always the danger of falling out, but getting close to the edge adds to the excitement.

Hit the Showers

Co-ed dorms deserve co-ed showers. Lather up together and you’ll save on soap and shampoo, and conserve water. It’s sexy and green.

On Your Roommate’s Bed

“He’s in class – he’ll be gone for hours.” You hope. Most of the thrill is half expecting to hear the key in the door and get your asses busted. And anyway, you’re just trying to get him back for the time he drew a dick on your forehead when you passed out after the beer pong tournament.

Kick Up Your Heels

Like we said, dorm furniture is practically indestructible, so don’t worry about getting heel marks or scuffs on it – property maintenance is part of your housing fees, right? Feel free to utilize the walls, ceiling, or light fixtures as well, if they help you get in a better position.

Stairway to Heaven

Duck out of the hallway and into the stairwell for a few moments of privacy. Keep a hand on the door, so you don’t get interrupted, and keep the noises down, or they’ll hear you 3 floors up.