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Ask the Resident (Sex) Advisor

The Resident Sex Advisor answers sex-related questions from college students

Dear RSA,
I've never eaten a girl out before because I am just afraid to do it. I can't stand the smell and the juices. How can I get over this fear?
Ted, CSUS

Ted,
Fear of muff-diving is not uncommon among men. There should be a clinical name for it - cunnilingaphobia maybe. As with all fears and phobias, the way to conquer it is to face it head on and desensitize yourself. I don't mean desensitize yourself as in turning into an insensitive bastard. Desensitization is a psychotherapy term that refers to exposing yourself repeatedly to the stimulus that triggers your fear (in this case, wet, juicy, smelly pussies) until the fearsome thing no longer seems threatening or unpleasant.

If you've never confronted a woman's pussy face to face (so to speak), you need to do so. But you can work up to it. First things first, though. Since you're squeamish about the smell and taste of pussy, make sure that you're starting with a squeaky clean coochie. This can be a delicate topic; you can't just tell a girl she needs to wash her privates so you won't heave when you go down on her. Try to catch her at a time you know she'll be fresh, i.e. when she's recently showered. Or suggest taking a shower or bath together to get "in the mood".

OK, back to technique. The next time you're having sex with a woman, finger her pussy and clitoris as part of foreplay. Get her turned on, get her wet, rub your digits all around in there and get a big fingerful of juices. Now bring it up to your face. Don't hold your breath! Take a big whiff of the scent of her honey-pot. Really smell it, in all its complexity. It doesn't just smell like day-old tuna (hopefully). If you dare, take a lick. Yes, with your tongue. Taste it, put it in your mouth. Not really so bad, is it? Salty, tangy, maybe a little sweet? If you get that far the first time out, you're doing great.

The next time you have sex, repeat this procedure, but go one step further if you can. Take the juices on your fingers and smear them on your lips and around your mouth, and really feel the texture of her secretions. Get them up under your nose and around your nostrils (you will get juices on your nose if you go down on a woman properly). Lick your fingers and get a good taste of her in your mouth. Doing OK so far? Not hyperventilating? Then you may be ready to go directly to the next step: munching her carpet.

Most women like it if you approach their pussy slowly rather than just pouncing on it with open jaws, so try kissing your way down her breasts, stomach and navel until you arrive at her pubes, or start and the bottom and work your way up the insides of her legs till you get to the crotch. Brush her clit lightly with your lips and tongue, get a little taste of her, then go in with your whole face and chow down.

Here's another tip to make your hair pie experience more enjoyable. Understand where the smells are coming from. The unpleasant, fishy, skanky smell we associate with unwashed pussy is generated mainly by apocrine glands in the skin around the upper part of the vulva, in the folds around the labia major and minor (the pussy lips) and in and under the wrinkly skin covering the clitoris (which roughly corresponds to a foreskin, so if you think smegma, you get the idea). The juices that emanate from the vaginal opening, on the other hand, are generally (if the woman is healthy) less oderous and milder tasting. Of course, all this stuff gets mixed together in the act of cunnilingus, so it's in your best interest to get her primed and as wet as possible down there before eating her out. This way, the neutral vaginal juices will get flowing and dilute the areas that are more pungent. When you get down there, be sure to spread them around with your tongue and use a lot of saliva to keep things moist. Good luck and happy munching!

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