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Ask the Resident (Sex) Advisor

The Resident Sex Advisor answers sex-related questions from college students

Dear RSA,
I was wondering what I could do to help get my girlfriend off during intercourse. I took her virginity this year at the age 19 and have been unsuccessful getting her to orgasm. Every time we have sex it has been incredible and she gets so close to orgasm but does not make it. We have been very open and been great about communicating but I'm just not sure what else would help.
J., U. of Kentucky

First of all, big props to you for caring so much about your girlfriend's pleasure and wanting to improve your already good sex life, and congratulations to both of you for communicating openly. You're already light-years ahead of many of your peers and are probably enjoying your sex a lot more because of it.

Now to the problem - your girlfriend isn't getting off during intercourse. This is not at all uncommon - up to 70% of women cannot climax through intercourse alone; they need additional clitoral stimulation to put them over the edge. The clitoris is the female analog of the penis, and it usually doesn't get much of a direct hit from vaginal intercourse. Imagine you were getting a blow job, but the girl was only sucking on your balls, and your cock wasn't getting any love. You'd have a hard time coming, too, and it wouldn't be a very satisfactory BJ. For most women, intercourse is a similar experience - tantalizingly pleasurable yet ultimately frustrating. The solution is to get the clit involved.

One way to do this is to change the way you are having intercourse. Try new positions that allow her clit to be accessed for manual stimulation. You can fuck her doggie style, or have her lay with her butt scooched down to the end of the bed while you kneel upright on the floor and enter her. Then either you or she can touch her clit while you're having intercourse. If she likes vibrators, you can use one on her clit, which will virtually guarantee orgasm. You can also experiment with positions that line up your pubic bones in such a way that she can get clit stimulation by grinding against you. Keep in mind that this kind of grinding and rubbing, rather than pounding, thrusting penetration, is more likely to help her climax.

Another solution is for you to try using a cock ring with a clit stimulator attached. If the idea of putting on a cock ring is scary, don't worry - the kinds I'm talking about aren't bondage or S/M toys. They're made of soft, super stretchy material (jelly, silicone, or Cyberskin) that fits safely and comfortably around the base of your erect penis. On the top side of the ring is a nub, bump, or ridged protrusion that aligns with the clitoris during insertion. Many of these devices incorporate a tiny vibrator to increase stimulation, which will also feel good on your cock. Try one out and see if it doesn't elevate your intercourse to new levels of pleasure for both of you.

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