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Ask the Resident (Sex) Advisor

The Resident Sex Advisor answers sex-related questions from college students

Dear RSA,
My boyfriend went to the doctor with a sore throat and was diagnosed with oral gonorrhea. This freaked me out so I got a check up, but I don't have it, or any other STDs. What does this mean? He says he doesn't know how he got it, but I'm not sure I believe him.
Courtney, Ohio State

Hon, I hate to break this to you, but your boyfriend is lying when he says he doesn't know how he got this. Unless someone slipped a roofie in his drink and then stuck their cock down his throat while he was passed out, he does know how he got this disease. Oral gonorrhea is not spread by casual contact or dirty silverware or sharing lip balm. There don't even seem to be any documented cases of it being spread through kissing (good news for you), although theoretically it could be possible. No, oral gonorrhea is spread through oral sex - oral contact with an infected vagina, penis or anus (I know, the thought of a clap-filled ass is disgusting, but it happens). For those of you who want to avoid a mouthful of the clap, transmission of oral gonorrhea and other STDs can be prevented by using a condom when giving a blowjob, or using a latex barrier (a dental dam) when eating pussy or ass.

Let me backtrack a moment. I didn't mean by my earlier comment to imply that your boyfriend is gay or bi - he could have caught this from a woman or a man. The point is, he caught it from someone other than you, obviously. At some point, his mouth was on someone else's pussy, cock or ass. If the two of you have a monogamous relationship, this means you need to have a little sit-down talk with him.

Confronting your boyfriend about this won't be easy, since he is either being deceitful or is in denial about the situation. Just realize that this is probably very stressful and embarrassing to him. Most people don't enjoy lying to their partners; they do it to save face or because they think withholding the truth will be less hurtful. He probably will be relieved to come clean about what happened, especially if you hold back on making accusations and just ask him to be honest. Your boyfriend should also notify the person who gave him gonorrhea, unless it was an anonymous hook-up and he doesn't know how to contact them. That person may be unaware that they have the disease and could be spreading it to others (or they may know that they have it and don't give a fuck, in which case they should be prosecuted - in many states, knowingly transmitting an STD is a crime).

If the two of you end up staying together, don't let him perform oral sex on you until he has completed treatment for the gonorrhea (usually antibiotics) and has gotten a clean bill of health from his doctor. If he continues to fool around, make sure he knows to use appropriate protection. Hopefully the two of you are using condoms during intercourse. You should insist on them to protect yourself. Lord knows what else he might be bringing home.

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