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10 Worst Handjob Mistakes

A handjob should be one of life's simple pleasures, but it often ends up as little more than a chafed disaster. Here are some tips to avoid common handjob pitfalls. Print out this list and keep it next to the sofa or tape it to the dashboard of your car.

  1. Doing it dry

    If you don't want a sore, red, inflamed cock after all is said and done, use some lube. Unless you have extraordinarily soft skin or are a maestro of the cock fiddle,  rubbing a dry cock will just make it raw.  If you donít have any KY Jelly or hand lotion handy, you can at least use the natural bodily fluid most readily available: saliva. As long as you can work up a mouthful of spit, thereís no excuse for a dry handjob.

  2. Unrelated chatter

    Focus on the task at hand! No chatting on the cell phone with your friends or musing about dinner plans. Permissible topics of discussion include: how huge his cock feels in your hand, how wet he is making you, and how desperately you want him to come all over your face.

  3. Fingernails

    Long, pointy, or roughly cut fingernails present a handjob hazard. They can poke, scrape, pinch, and gouge if youíre not careful. Accidents are most likely to happen when youíre moving too fast, so if you have long nails, take it slow and be careful. Fingernails can be used to good effect if you use them very lightly to caress or tickle his cock and balls. Using the backs, not the tips or edges, is recommended. If youíre not sure what youíre doing, donít try, just keep them out of the way.

  4. No rhythm

    In order to be pleasurable and build arousal to a climax, a handjob should have rhythm and continuity. Itís best to start slow and then steadily increase the pace till he pops off. Donít stop and start or speed up and slow down randomly or for no reason. Once you start a handjob, you really have to keep at it until itís over, or you lose the momentum (and heíll lose his erection). Keep your hands on his dick, and keep them moving till he comes.

  5. Limp grip

    When you shake hands with someone and their hand feels like a limp, dead fish, itís creepy and unpleasant. Now imagine how it would feel to have that hand on your dick. Definitely not a turn on. A weak grip conveys lack of confidence, lack of enthusiasm for the job, or just downright distaste about touching a cock. Itís even worse if your hands are also cold and clammy. A weak grip combined with lackluster movement is the kiss of death for a hand job. Grasp his cock firmly (but not too firmly Ė see our next item) and stroke vigorously (but not too vigorously).

  6. Vise grip

    Grabbing his cock in a death-grip is also a huge handjob mistake. A light but firm grasp is adequate. Remember, ďchoking the chickenĒ is just an expression. Putting a stranglehold on his cock is counterproductive. Also, while it can feel good to have the outer skin of the dick pulled back and forth over the shaft, you really need to move your hands over the surface too - donít just grab one spot and start jerking up and down.

  7. Wearing rings

    This is a no-brainer. You need to take off your rings before you give a hand job. They donít ďadd sensationĒ Ė or they do, but the wrong kind. Rings can scratch and bump the delicate skin of the cock. Theyíre distracting. And they can get caught in his pubic hair. Needless to say, if youíre wearing a wedding or engagement ring, this goes double.

  8. Nut crunching

    Unless he specifically says that he likes it rough, donít squeeze, pull, or twist his nutsack. This can be painful. Many guys like to have their balls massaged, rubbed, or gently tugged during a handjob. But donít grab them and knead them like a stress-ball. A light touch is best.

  9. Smoking

    Smoking during a handjob is the kind of thing you might expect from a cheap hooker with a bad attitude, but donít be surprised if you also encounter it from a party girl wasted on too many Slippery Nipples. In any case, we canít emphasize this enough: Cigarettes and handjobs do not mix. Guys, donít ever let anyone holding a burning object anywhere near your crotch. Smoldering ashes in the groin, scorch marks on the dick, blazing pubes - the potential for tragedy is just too great.

  10. Not Cleaning Up After

    A good handjob should leave your man glowing in a state of relaxed post-ejaculatory bliss. And it will also leave a mess, gobs of jism, lube, and pubic hair. Keep a hot, wet towel at the ready, or at least a tissue, to clean up afterwards. Nothing will ruin his good mood more than having to deal with the aftermath himself.

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