Ask the Resident (Sex) Advisor

The Resident Sex Advisor answers sex-related questions from college students

Dear RSA,
Ok, so I've been dating this boy for a while and we are finally getting a bit frisky. Well, I saw what he's packing and - WHOA! Like, it's seriously exceeding porn-sized magnitudes. I'm not so terrified of the length, 'cause he can leave some out, I guess, but the girth terrifies me (I can't even come close to closing my hand around it). Thoughts?
Serena, Philadelphia

Serena,
There are a lot of women (and some men) who would be happy to have your problem. So count your blessings, dear. Still, being faced with a truly huge dong for the first time can be daunting.

Fortunately, the vagina is very flexible and can stretch to accommodate organs of varying lengths and widths. If you're having concerns about your capacity in this department, one of the best ways to test your limits is with dildos of various sizes. With a little searching, you can probably find one that matches the proportions of your beau's monstrous manhood. But first, try a couple of dildos a step down to warm up. If you're feeling tight, do a regular stretching session with your dongs to loosen your vaginal muscles. Do this daily, like a workout routine, and in time you should be able to take on that bad boy. Just take things slow, work your way up, and use tons of lube.

If all this fails and there's still no way he's gonna ever gonna cram his spam javelin into your pleasure palace without causing internal damage, consider pleasuring him in other ways. Learn how to give a world-class hand job and blowjob (even though you'll never be able to deep-throat him). Break out some lotion or massage oil and let him tit-fuck you (he straddles you and puts his weiner between your boobs, which you press firmly together) or thigh-fuck you (you squeeze your legs together and he fucks you between the legs, but so that his cock brushes past, rather than going into your pussy). To get your equal time, have him brush up on his cunnilingus and finger fucking techniques. Even if he can't get his salami grande all the way - or even part way in, you can still have fun together.