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Ask the Resident (Sex) Advisor

The Resident Sex Advisor answers sex-related questions from college students

Dear RSA,
My girlfriend and I argue and then have "make-up sex." The problem I have is that sometimes I'm still mad at her and I really don't feel like screwing right then. When I tell her this, I'm cut off for weeks. What do I do?
Scott, North Carolina

This is a really common pattern that I'm sure most couples are familiar with. Some couples even purposefully pick fights with one another, just so they can make up by having sex. The fighting builds up tension and friction that is released by lovemaking, which is why a post-fight fuck is often so intense and better than regular sex.

Although I don't recommend it as a way of life, the fight-and-fuck cycle is sometimes unavoidable and is not necessarily unhealthy, as long as the fighting part doesn't get out of hand. However, it sounds like something else is going on here as well. Your girlfriend is trying to use sex to manipulate you, and that's not OK. She's also not respecting your feelings by expecting you to screw when you don't want to. Your girlfriend is being controlling - if she can't control you (and your cock) she cuts you off. This is her way of keeping the upper hand in the situation.

So, my next question to you would be this: Who's winning the arguments? If it's you, then this may be her way of trying to keep a balance of power in your relationship. So maybe you should throw her a bone now and then and let her win the next time you argue. If she's the one who's winning, and she's still being a wench, I'd suggest you get a new girlfriend, one who's not such a control freak.

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