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Ask the Resident (Sex) Advisor

The Resident Sex Advisor answers sex-related questions from college students

Dear RSA,
Whenever I'm fooling around with anybody, I can't get wet. It doesn't matter how horny I am, it just doesn't happen. I would love to solve this, whether it be a mental block or a downstairs problem. Please help!
Lindsay, GVSU

Lindsay,
If you’re able to get wet when you’re masturbating by yourself, it would seem like the problem is psychological. The next time you’re messing around with someone, check in with yourself and see how you’re feeling. Do you feel self-conscious, overwhelmed, or disconnected from your body? These feelings are all normal, but you need to get past them to fully enjoy a sexual encounter. If you feel like you’re holding back, let go. Relax, try to concentrate on your physical sensations, especially “down there”, breathe deeply and breathe into your pelvis. Try to push your breath down toward your vagina when you inhale. This can relax and open up the muscles and blood circulation to your genital area, and may start the lubrication flowing.

If you just don’t get wet, ever, the problem may be physical. It could be caused by a hormonal imbalance or a problem with the ducts or glands in the vagina that produce vaginal fluid and lubrication. Don’t be shy about asking your doctor or gynecologist about it. If it turns out that you are unable to produce lubrication for a physical reason, don’t worry – there are plenty of water-based lubes that can help you get wet.

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