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Ask the Resident (Sex) Advisor

The Resident Sex Advisor answers sex-related questions from college students

Dear RSA,
There is this guy I like on the first floor of my dorm and we have already had sex but I want to do it again. How do I approach him without looking desperate?
Gina, NYU

You're wise to be cautious, since many guys will run screaming at the slightest whiff of pleading or desperation in a female, especially one that they've already been intimate with. Prehistoric as it may seem, men most often like to be the pursuers in a relationship, and many will go out of their way to avoid emotional entanglements.

The best way to approach this guy is to be casual yet confident about it. Don't give him the impression that you've been staying up late fantasizing about him, or doodling his initials on your notebook (even if you have). The next time you see him, strike up a brief conversation. Just make a little small talk, or throw a teasing comment his way. Keep it fun and playful. Once you've got his attention, look him in the eye, smile and say, "I really had a lot of fun with you the other night. Maybe we could do that again." If he responds favorably, try to set up a time to hang out. If he hedges or acts stand-offish, it's probably best to just cut your losses and move on. There are plenty of other young studs in the dorms.

As long as you keep things light, you'll probably be able to get him in bed again, and maybe even fool around on an ongoing basis. The thing is, you just can't expect any lasting emotional commitment on his part. There's always an outside chance that love can blossom, but in the meantime be realistic and enjoy the fun you can have together without getting too heavy. ]

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