Top 10 New Year's Sex Resolutions

  1. Save money by buying condoms and lube in bulk. Those vending machines are such a waste of money. Don't get caught unprepared. If you know you're going to be using a lot of condoms, stock up. If you're not sure, think positive; maybe having a stash of them will inspire you to get busy. And you can never have too much lube. Even if you don't have a partner, lube is always great for masturbating, or quieting that squeaky door.

  2. Organize your sex toy collection. Quit tossing that vibrator under the bed with the dust bunnies. Keep your dildos, vibrators, and other sex toys clean, organized, and carefully stored in a drawer or box. They'll last longer and you'll always know where to find them when you need them.

  3. Be more considerate - let your partner come first. Your girlfriend puts up with a lot, so try putting her first once in a while and give her a screaming orgasm (or two or three) before you even get close to blowing your load. If she falls asleep before you get off...well, turnabout is fair play.

  4. Be generous - give oral sex without being asked. If you know that there's something your partner really, really likes or wants you to do, don't hold back and be stingy. Do unto others, and surprise him or her by doing it spontaneously. Whatever floats their boat - if it's a blowjob, or cunnilingus, or a finger up the butt, or sucking their toes - give them a treat once in a while without making them beg first.

  5. Take time for yourself and masturbate daily. With all your efforts toward self-improvement, don't forget to reward yourself with some good old-fashioned masturbation. It's one of the best ways to relax, ease your tension, and get in touch with your body. Take a time-out from your hectic schedule and spend some quality time with yourself.

  6. Have sex with the less fortunate. This year, think of the folks who aren't as well off as you...the ones who just aren't getting any, and find it in your heart to do a good deed. This doesn't mean you have to sleep with any bum or crack whore off the street. That short, shy exchange student or the girl with the freakishly large ass would be fine recipients of your charity work. Share the love.

  7. Try new things, especially new sex positions, new sex toys, or new sex acts Variety is the spice of life and adventure broadens your horizons. Don't be timid in the New Year, keep an open mind and try something new in bed, whether it's anal sex or a threesome.

  8. Aim high and try to bang someone out of your league. You should set high goals for your own sexual achievements. Be bold, be confident, and try to lay someone you think you'd never have a chance with in a million years. You've got nothing to lose and you might get lucky.

  9. Read more dirty books. Better yourself intellectually by reading the great works of literature, especially ones with lots of sex scenes, graphic nudity, and big dicks.

  10. Lose weight by following the Freshman Sex Diet. Everyone wants to lose weight after the holidays. With this diet you can lose some pounds and get in shape by having more sex. While everyone else is counting carbs, you'll be counting orgasms. It's easy and fun.

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